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Rough Hands

from CONTROL by CONTROLxoxo

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about

Excerpt from Joseph Mayfield's short story "Decisions of Skin."

lyrics

He looked around and noticed a young girl sitting a couple seats down and felt a pull he had not in some time. Her legs were muscular like that of an athlete, and Mark imagined that she ran track. Her blue-silver shorts bunched up at the cusp of her buttocks making the invitation to her secrets almost visible. She had light brown hair and white earbuds dangled as she bopped her head to the pop music she, no doubt, was listening to. He could not fully see her face, but on one of her cheeks, he could see a small mole and the sun from outside casting rays through her soft hair on the side of her profile. Mark felt the pulse in his cock begin to flutter, a sensation he had not experienced in some time. The drinking had made his dick all but useless in the past few years. He adjusted uncomfortably in his seat; the idea of approaching her excited him even more. He thought that at any moment, he might need to go to the dirty, piss-drenched stall in the back and abuse himself, releasing the buildup of sexual misogyny that flowed through his mind. Mark knew that a forty-something man could not even begin talking to such a young thing. He rubbed his hands on his jeans, their dry skin caught and scratched at the fabric. He brought his hands up and looked down upon them. They were stained from his job, the oil creating a permanent, dirty look to them, and the cracks in the flesh made them look like the surface of a vast and dry desert. He was resigned to his fate of loneliness and looking about at the faces of his fellow passengers, he knew he was not alone. Mark felt a connection to them--the wanders, the regretful--and unsure of every step, the strain of daily routine weighing like a Mack truck filled with failure. He knew that in this life, he would never again touch such a beautiful thing. That felt like a sick curse, this trick of age. He yearned for a bottle, just a little heat to get through this moment of existential malaise. For the first time in a long time, he started to think of god and felt anger. He knew then and there through the soft skin of her youth that god did indeed exist, and that bastard was a son of a bitch.

credits

from CONTROL, released September 13, 2013

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CONTROLxoxo Fairfield, Iowa

Controlxoxo is late-night echoes of regretful rendezvous, and heart-filled screams from the base of a broken and nauseated culture.
Our songs are meant to make you dance, and beat your hands on the walls of your inhibitions, say "fuck you" to your pain, and let loose the slobbering mongrels that gnash and bite at your desires. ... more

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